be still

Its really hard to be still.

Just 24 hours into some solitude time...I'm about ready to climb the walls.

Reality is, I probably need a week alone with God, just to be still - to listen - process - be.

Even in the attempting to be still, its amazing the places my mind has attempted to go in order to fight being still. anxieties, what if's, why nots, what now....you name it.

Its like stripping gears - slamming on the brakes from the pace life has taken this past year.

I attempted to mentally and emotionally process - take account of the events since a year ago.

pretty amazing the direction changes, provisions, challenges, adventures, miracles....all in a whirlwind of 365 days.

A few things began to surface today:

1> I am not in control -

how boring would it be if God let me map out my life? I would never intentionally plan a dark valley for a season in my life...too hard. I'd plan a ton of mountain top experiences....that I ultimately wouldn't cherish as much because I wouldn't have the contrast of the valley....the impossible task, deep hurt, etc. make for the perfect backdrop of God's amazing intervention and provision...always over the top

2> Be

Who could've guessed at all that would happen this past year? I would've never dreamed!

I reflect on those things, hoping that I've been a good steward of each opportunity and challenge.

with a "grab bag" of events in the past and future - the only thing that I can always control is my heart and attitude in the journey. The way this or that happened probably won't matter 20 years from now, but the things I let in my heart to shape who I am...those seeds of what I dwell on will grow into something big (good or bad) in 20 years.....

my view of God, attitude towards life, view of others....

I can choose to "be" who God has called me to be - in whatever circumstance to be assured of who He is and who I am - living life to the full without regret

3> God is massive and I'm amazed that He not only is aware of me, but is more in touch with the thoughts and emotions in me than even I am.

Crazy thing is that its true with every person on the planet.

this evening I was sitting on top of a mountain in Colorado (my favorite place) soaking in God's creation as I watched the sun set over the rockies - the picture above hardly captures it. Huge beautiful mountains! I looked down into the valley and saw these tiny houses and cars.....the people were too small to see - and it just struck me that every single thing that was happening in that tiny town, God knew and cared about. Every person, every situation He was aware of and actively involved too!

A God that spoke the mountains and all of creation into existence, yet is actively involved with my life - so blessed!

So....being still shows me how fragile I am....how fragile and crazy life is

yet how exciting and fulfilling it is to spend that life in the pursuit of knowing and loving my Creator so that I can discover and grow into what I'm called to be, wherever I'm called to go -with a mind-blowing, powerful, gracious and loving God who is guiding every step.

I think I'll stay here 'til I run out of money.